Posted on January 21, 2011 - by Megan
A Visit to the Honest Planet: Adoption is a Roller Coaster
I’m going to take a moment and be honest with you, really, really honest. Adoption is a roller coaster ride and that’s putting it nicely. Sometimes it feels like being kidnapped and thrown on the most terrifying ride you can imagine—blindfolded.
For all its rewards, faith-deepening moments, and unbelievable joys, it can also be heart-wrenching. I figured it was time for a visit to the honest planet.
Last week, we found out that our agency planned to match with twin girls, pending some final documents being signed as a part of their orphan investigation. Twin. Girls. It was my absolute dream come true. While I have secretly prayed for twins from the beginning, I never thought it would happen.
We weren’t supposed to find out about the girls before all the paperwork was complete, but a visitor to the babies home where the girls live posted their pictures prematurely, not realizing we had not yet received our referral. While we understood the match was not official or final, my heart fell in love immediately. I was a gonner.
Earlier this week we got word that there was reason to believe there might be difficulty obtaining the final documentation needed. There would be a delay of at least a month before we would know for sure one way or the other. I was crushed, despairing, and hopeless. I cried and I cried and I asked God why it had to be so hard.
Frankly, I wanted to give up and throw in the towel. The wait has been excruciating and feels endless at times. My heart seems to feel more vulnerable with every passing day. At the height of my emotion, I even asked Joel if he thought we could give all money back to the people who donated to us and walk way. I just wasn’t sure I could go on. He said we could not and would not. We were staying the course. (Thank goodness for the voice of reason in these moments.)
The next day, as I talked with our wonderful and long-suffering adoption coordinator, I realized all hope for the girls was probably not lost, though things were very far from certain. It could still go either way. She encouraged me to remember that while the wait is hard, our baby (or babies) will come. They are already known and chosen by God. Whoever they are, they will be the exactly the babies we need and exactly the babies who need us, whether they are these girls or not. We can trust that.
Against all odds, I am thankful to report I now feel at peace after processing through these emotions. Since this is the opposite of my nature, I am confident there must be many people praying for us. And so, we wait and we trust that God is good and at work, even when we don’t see how it will all come together.
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21. Jan, 2011
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Joel J. Miller and Megan Hyatt Miller, Lindsey Nobles. Lindsey Nobles said: RT @MegHMiller: It's been a hard week in adoption land. What I'm learning on this roller coaster of faith. New post: http://bit.ly/fQOE30 [...]
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24. Jan, 2011
[...] with huge implication for our lives and for the life of our future child(ren). As I wrote in an earlier post, we have the possibility of being matched with twin girls from Uganda, but we have to wait until [...]
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28. Feb, 2011
[...] you may remember, we had hoped to be matched with twin girls a couple months back, but were waiting to find out if the necessary documentation could be obtained [...]
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About Me
My name is Megan Hyatt Miller. I'm a little Emmilou Harris, a little Bonnie Rait, and a dash of Paula Dean—mostly because I identify with her unbridled use of butter and ample hips. I am passionate about living and telling a good story. I'm a wife, a stepmom and and an adoptive mom. I am passionate about adoption, racial reconciliation, and creating beauty and a sense belonging for those I love. To learn more, click here. Thanks for stopping by.
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January 21, 2011
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Brad said:
Just a note to let you know you are being prayed for. Your own response is the answer: “They are already known and chosen by God. Whoever they are, they will be the exactly the babies we need and exactly the babies who need us, whether they are these girls or not. We can trust that.” Great wisdom, Megan. We went through the roller coaster ride of adoption as well. Buckle up ~ and keep your eyes open to God’s amazing plan (even while riding up-side-down).
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January 21, 2011
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Megan said:
Brad, thank you for the encouragement. Someday, I hope God give us the chance to encourage another family when we, like you guys, are at the end of the journey. Blessings!
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January 21, 2011
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Mary DeMuth said:
Lord, bring peace, joy in the process, and a steady, faith-filled heart to Megan as she takes this leap. Calm her fears. Bring her hope. Settle her worries. Amen.
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January 21, 2011
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Megan said:
Mary, thank you so much. I am humbled and blessed by your prayer.
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January 21, 2011
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Russ said:
As a Dad who’s adopted twice, we’ve been on the roller-coaster. Twice.
The last time we were the foster parents and our child had lived with us for *2 years* before the adoption could be finalized. Even living with us, there were several times we didn’t know if things would go through. It just took forever.
Hang in there – you’ve got so much support from a world-wide community.
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January 21, 2011
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Megan said:
Russ, wow. I can’t even imagine how hard it would be to have them living with you. Thank you for the reminder that we are more supported than we could ever know. Thank you for sharing your story.
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January 21, 2011
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Lis said:
Thank you for sharing your journey with us.
BTW, your orange RSS feed icon thing (yeah, that’s about as technical I am) is not working (for me?). I went to add you to my reader…
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January 21, 2011
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K. Duane Carter said:
Megan, my wife and I have adopted 8 kids from 4 different countries. Our last adoption of 3 children from Uganda was nothing less that hell. Sorry if that is offensive, but that is what it was. My wife and I were separated from each other for 7 months while she lived in Uganda going through a process that was much slower than any snail could crawl and so encumbered with bureaucracy that it made our government look awesome. But it was worth it. When those kids come into your arms it all becomes worth it. And you will get a taste of what God feels like when His kids come home. It is awesome and it is well worth the wild ride. So my wife and I sincerely encourage you to not get off the coaster. The prize at the end is eternal
. Have a great day and thanks for being honest.
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January 21, 2011
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Megan said:
Thank you so much for sharing this story, and what a story it is. I am so grateful you stuck with it. It sounds like you have an amazing family. We won’t get off the roller coaster–we’re here for the duration. Thanks for the encouragement.
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January 21, 2011
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Jamie said:
It is hard. It is a weird, wild ride. We had a sort of similar situation with a little brother & sister we hoped to adopt, but their caseworker chose another family for them. Even our then 8-year-old daughter had her hopes up more than I realized, and cried about it. We learned a lot through that, though, and knew that whoever God had chosen for our family was out there. Sure enough, she was. And now, we may be about to start this crazy journey all over again.
Hang in there. (hugs)
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January 21, 2011
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Megan said:
Jamie, thank you for that. It’s amazing how often I am hearing a version of this story. Very encouraging. Blessings to you!
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January 22, 2011
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Sweetie Berry said:
Our Father has many methods…we prayed and believed for a child together (les and I) and this year after 9 years…God has provided…in the form of a 21 one year old and the child she is carrying…whether or not she stays the course, we received our answer, a child to love…21 weeks now maybe…21 years…definately….she needed us as much as her unborn child.
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January 28, 2011
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Bridget Kessler said:
Thanks for this post. We are currently in the adoption process and this explains my feelings exactly! It is refreshing to know we aren’t the only ones who feel like we are on a rollercoaster!
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January 29, 2011
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Erika Chapman said:
I just found your blog through my brother in Canada that follows you and your dad on twitter. I love how social media connects us:) Our family is in the midst of adopting from Uganda as well. We are still working on paperwork for our homestudy but already it is such a crazy hurry and wait game! Thank you for this honest post. I look forward to reading more from you!