Posted on May 6, 2011 - by Megan
An Expectant Mother’s Day Post
For Mother’s Day last year, Joel gave me a silky yellow baby blanket as a reminder that our baby was on its way. I remember thinking, “This time next year, our baby will be holding this in my arms.”
Over the past twelve months, I have taken it out of the drawer from the table next to my bed many times. As I hold it in my hands, I am reminded that we are getting closer, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
As an expectant adoptive mom, Mother’s Day is hard. Combine that with the Mother’s Day of a step-mom, and it’s doubly so.
When Joel and I got married and the kids came into my life, I was surprised by how much Mother’s Day mattered to me, even though I was “only” their step mom. They had found their way into my heart and there was no pretending otherwise.
As you would expect, the kids always spend Mother’s Day with their mom, and that is how it ought to be. And yet, their absence leaves me sitting in church on Mother’s Day without my kids year after year. Truthfully, I have come to dread the conspicuous emptiness of it all. It’s like Valentines Day for the single girl.
Last year at this time, we were already several months into the domestic adoption process, but were considering switching programs. It had been a difficult season of waiting already, and it was unclear how we would proceed. The yellow baby blanket reminded me that some way, some how, my arms would be filled with a precious baby at the end of the journey. It was like a hope chest for my heart.
Fast forward a year later. This Mother’s Day will be difficult too, but for different reasons. We know who that baby will be—it turns out there are two. My cup runneth over. There is heartache still, but it is born out of the longing and expectation to be finally united with our boys. I no longer wonder who they are, I only wonder when they will be here. Emptiness will give way to joy soon enough.
Once again, I will sit in church on Sunday and think of my yellow baby blanket. As I watch other mothers with toddlers perched on their knees, shushing their babies, I will be palpably aware that something—someone—is missing again.
Mommy is coming, Sweet Boys. Mommy is coming.
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09. May, 2011
[...] of ©iStockphoto.com/AVTGThis is certainly the case for Megan and her husband, Joel. They have been patiently working through the adoption process now for more than a year. They still don’t have their babies, but this does not mean that God is [...]
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12. May, 2011
[...] they aren’t miracles.This is certainly the case for Megan and her husband, Joel. They have been patiently working through the adoption process now for more than a year. They still don’t have their babies, but this does not mean that God is [...]
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About Me
My name is Megan Hyatt Miller. I'm a little Emmilou Harris, a little Bonnie Rait, and a dash of Paula Dean—mostly because I identify with her unbridled use of butter and ample hips. I am passionate about living and telling a good story. I'm a wife, a stepmom and and an adoptive mom. I am passionate about adoption, racial reconciliation, and creating beauty and a sense belonging for those I love. To learn more, click here. Thanks for stopping by.
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May 7, 2011
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Richard Burkey said:
Thanks for a great post. God bless you in adopting. My wife is adopted. As she once told me, “Your parents had to have you, I’m chosen.” Adoption is a tremendous gift in changing lives, and being Mom to these kids, your kids. Thank you for making the choice and sharing the journey. Thank you also for the reminder of remembering those waiting to be mothers on Mother’s Day and affirming the gift God has given them in us. Enjoy the calm this mother’s day, 2 boys next year will make Mother’s day energetic in church.
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May 8, 2011
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Erica McNeal said:
Hi Megan,
This post gave me a lot to think about, as I have experienced child loss and know many women who can relate to the bittersweetness of today. I am fairly active in child loss support groups to help other women work through their grieving process and your blog post was a great reminder of how this day can be difficult for a variety of women. I had never considered it from the step-parent angle.
So, I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your heart! It has helped me gain some perspective and allowed me to better blog about how to remember those that may struggle today!
P.S. I prayed for you this morning and hope today is beautiful for you! =)
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May 9, 2011
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Phil said:
Hang in there. We adopted our son over 11 years ago – brought him home when he was 5 days old. While waiting, there were times when I became very bitter and angry. I would ask why? Why do we have to wait? Why can some have multiple children – without the want or desire to care for them?
Then, when we met him in the hospital – the bitterness and anger changed to pure joy and unconditional love.
Trust me – the wait is worth it!!
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May 9, 2011
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Pat Layton said:
Hi Megan,
. Obviously, I am very passionate about adoption but one of my loves is encouraging adoptive Moms through their faith wait as well as Birthmothers through new life plans.
I wandered over today from your Dad’s blog.
I am Founder and President of an Adoption agency in Tampa, Florida called “Woven Basket”. It can be found at (www.lifeimpactnetwork.com) but more importantly, I am an adoptive Mom. My daughter is 22 now and one of the greatest blessings of my life. She too was a “Slow Miracle”
I loved reading about your journey.
I wanted to share a website that was recently started by a dear friend and previous Staff member of mine, Kelli Wild.
It is called Adoption Delights (www.adoptiondelights.com).
Kelli is precious and has a daughter adopted from China. I just thought you might enjoy “meeting” her.
My prayers for your journey Megan.
Please let me know if I can be of any help.
Blessings,
Pat
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May 10, 2011
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Brian Owen said:
My wife and I can really identify with your wait. Though we finally have our two boys home from Ethiopia (got ‘em 8 months ago), last Mother’s Day was a tough one for my wife…we thought we would have a referral by then but we didn’t. Our day finally came and your’s will too. May God grant you and your husband much grace as you wait.
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May 12, 2011
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Ashley said:
Beautiful thoughts! My husband and I are waiting…waiting…waiting…
We just can’t seem to get the timing of everything right. We are currently in our third attempt at adoption, all domestic. However, right now we are waiting for all the pieces to fall into place for us to finally get licensed, then to wait for a placement.
The waiting is so hard. But, there is still comfort that we are getting closer each day!
Thanks for sharing!
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May 13, 2011
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Brian Davis said:
We too have experienced the “Slow Miracle”. We are currently waiting on our second one! We adopted our son from Guatemala. After one year of paperwork, we got the first pictures of our 1 month old. My wife held him for the first time at 1 year old when she made a visit with her sister for his birthday. I didn’t get to hold him until 16 months old when we made our pickup trip. While I still struggle with all the fertile couples around us, I love my “Slow Miracle”. We are currently working through the foster care system for our next one.