And Finally, A Post

After an emergency departure in August, I returned from Uganda with our two new sons, Moses and Jonah nine weeks and countless miracles and trials later. We’ve been home for three months and this is the first blog post I’ve written.

Until now, I had no idea what to say. I have been up to my eyeballs, nearly drowning is the demands of two new children (the laundry, oh, the laundry!), attachment and adjustment issues, and the relentless exhaustion that comes with a lack of sleep and a life change this big.

It has been an extremely difficult journey — much harder than I expected. And, it has also miraculous beyond words. It has required more of me than I could have prepared for. I am certain it is God’s mercy and grace that have sustained us.The moments of joy—all the “firsts,” falling in love with our boys, watching them learn to rest in our love—these moments encourage our hearts and give us strength to believe God will complete the work he has begun in our family.

In the last five months I’ve realized anew that adoption is not a cause, it is a daily commitment. A commitment to run the marathon of healing and redemption alongside the child that God is grafting into your family. (I say grafting  because it is a process.) It is also a commitment to let Jesus do his therapeutic work in us too as parents.

Adoption is nothing less than the story of the Gospel set against the stage of one family and a handful of human hearts. It is full of beauty and suffering and heartbreak and joy.

Speaking for myself, I probably watched one too many “gotcha-day videos” when I should have had a few more cups of coffee with adoptive moms in my community and asked, “So, tell me what it’s really like.” The pictures of happy multi-racial families, like the one at the top of this post, don’t tell the whole story. But the stories need to be told—the hard ones and the happy ones.

These days, I am reminded daily that He is the Great Physician, not me. I am made to be a conduit for His healing power, but not the power itself. And when it seems I can’t do even that, when I am so tired and impatient and frustrated that I am ready to give myself a time-out, He covers me.

In the coming months, I hope to share the highs and lows of adoption and motherhood, and all the days in between. I can’t promise regular posts anymore than I can promise my kids that clean, folded clothes will fill their drawers, but I will be here as often as I’m able, telling our story as we learn to walk in faith and love.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

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20 thoughts on “And Finally, A Post

  1. I so, so hear your heart, Megan. I’ve just started a series of posts about adoption (by me and guest bloggers) on my blog — specifically, exploring the honest experiences and emotions of different steps of the adoption journey. I already have some pretty awesome guests lined up; I’m sure you’ll recognize some names from our community of Uganda mamas. I would LOVE for you to consider writing a guest post. Think about it?

    Much love to you and yours –

    Kim

  2. Love your transparency. New motherhood is hard…whether as adopted hearts, chosen by married hearts, or chosen hearts. When I became the mother of an eleven and sixteen year old hearts through marriage there was an amazing vertical learning curve from being a four and seven year olds mom. Praying for you and your sweet family daily. Peace. Wisdom.Health.Joy….and a good measure of fun!
    hugs
    Sweetie!

  3. Beautiful testimony, Megan. God is using your family to completely change the lives of the two newest members and also to be a testimony for many more people who God is calling to be adoptive parents as well.
    May God continue guiding and providing for you and your family.
    And thank you for sharing your story with us.

  4. Genius statement & great advice for those considering adoption -

    “I probably watched one too many “gotcha-day videos” when I should have had a few more cups of coffee with adoptive moms in my community and asked, “So, tell me what it’s really like.”

    Thanks for sharing
    - DPL

  5. My husband and I are just starting this journey ourselves. So good to be reminded of the daily commitment, and not get too caught up in the emotional beginnings.

  6. This is beautiful! Such a powerful reminder that we can’t do any of this without HIM! Thanks for your willingness to share and be real. Even though it’s hard, your love for your family is so evident through your words!

  7. Megan,

    *Meeting* you is for purpose. Though, I cannot See and only know in my heart.

    I’ve had a calling for our second child to be adopted. And yet, it makes absolutely no sense. And still, the ache is there…even when I wrestle with the selfishness of wanting to be pregnant one more time and birth a healthy child one more time…still…I cannot deny what my heart aches for–adoption.

    A few things you said spoke to me so loudly:

    “a life change this big.” — I can only imagine.

    “watching them learn to rest in our love” — isn’t that what the calling is all about? I appreciate this comment so much.

    “adoption is not a cause, it is a daily commitment. A commitment to run the marathon of healing and redemption alongside the child that God is grafting into your family. (I say grafting because it is a process.) It is also a commitment to let Jesus do his therapeutic work in us too as parents.” — and *this* is the heart cry I believe He’s placed in me. This commitment to “run the marathon of healing…”

    I don’t know where my story will take me. Or how yours is important for mine. But, I know that it’s for purpose–yours, mine, and *meeting* you this way.

    I just had to say. I look forward to hearing more.

    Blessings of Peace.

    Amy

  8. We’re proud of what you’re allowing God to do in your lives and the lives of your new children. You guys are doing great and we love each of you!

  9. So well written and perfectly stated. It is a HARD road and so many days just call for more grace and mercy than I ever think I can muster. Totally worth it but still hard. Thanks for sharing!

  10. I am looking forward to your future posts. Loving children is a wonderful way to express God’s love but it is plain hard work day in and out. I wish you sleep and grace in the journey!

  11. Tenacity. It is one of the most essential traits for any mama. But when you are handed two children at once….with a whole story already planted in their hearts…questions unanswered…or answered badly…and you feel compelled to fill in all the gaps…to make it ok…when your heart bleeds for the empty places…and your body longs for one night of all the way through sleep…tenacity takes on new colors. And depths.

    Could I just say to you that, even when you are weary…I have never seen you more radiant. There is a light in you that says, “I am where I belong.”

    On the really hard days, cling to that. I am as sure of it as I have ever been of anything. God chose you and Joel (and Fionn and Felicity) for Moses and Jonah, and them for you.

    That doesn’t mean it will be easy. Most things worth having are not. It does mean there is a work of becoming that He would do in each of you that cannot be done without the others.

    You are exactly where you belong, best beloved. Be strong and courageous.

    I love you.

  12. Megan,
    First we added 2 adopted to 2 bio then we took our family to Nigeria where we served orphans together for 6 years. Our white like us (thank God no one would ever know) kids fell apart and God rebuilt and is still them and us.
    Lean in, do what you can do next, now and remember Love NEVER fails (when it is God’s kind). Thrilled to pray with you and others you influence. You will know God more. Mom of 4, 15-21.
    Working now and your dads tweet directed me here. He is helping me be a better manager in my work place. The body of Christ. It is reflective of Him, amazing.

  13. We’re just beginning the adoption journey and I’m so deeply grateful for adoptive parents who will tell us the truth. I love your idea that it’s a commitment, not a cause. Thank you for your insight and blessings on whole family.