After an emergency departure in August, I returned from Uganda with our two new sons, Moses and Jonah nine weeks and countless miracles and trials later. We’ve been home for three months and this is the first blog post I’ve written.

Until now, I had no idea what to say. I have been up to my eyeballs, nearly drowning is the demands of two new children (the laundry, oh, the laundry!), attachment and adjustment issues, and the relentless exhaustion that comes with a lack of sleep and a life change this big.

It has been an extremely difficult journey — much harder than I expected. And, it has also miraculous beyond words. It has required more of me than I could have prepared for. I am certain it is God’s mercy and grace that have sustained us.The moments of joy—all the “firsts,” falling in love with our boys, watching them learn to rest in our love—these moments encourage our hearts and give us strength to believe God will complete the work he has begun in our family.

In the last five months I’ve realized anew that adoption is not a cause, it is a daily commitment. A commitment to run the marathon of healing and redemption alongside the child that God is grafting into your family. (I say grafting  because it is a process.) It is also a commitment to let Jesus do his therapeutic work in us too as parents.

Adoption is nothing less than the story of the Gospel set against the stage of one family and a handful of human hearts. It is full of beauty and suffering and heartbreak and joy.

Speaking for myself, I probably watched one too many “gotcha-day videos” when I should have had a few more cups of coffee with adoptive moms in my community and asked, “So, tell me what it’s really like.” The pictures of happy multi-racial families, like the one at the top of this post, don’t tell the whole story. But the stories need to be told—the hard ones and the happy ones.

These days, I am reminded daily that He is the Great Physician, not me. I am made to be a conduit for His healing power, but not the power itself. And when it seems I can’t do even that, when I am so tired and impatient and frustrated that I am ready to give myself a time-out, He covers me.

In the coming months, I hope to share the highs and lows of adoption and motherhood, and all the days in between. I can’t promise regular posts anymore than I can promise my kids that clean, folded clothes will fill their drawers, but I will be here as often as I’m able, telling our story as we learn to walk in faith and love.

First, let me apologize for disappearing from blogland without explanation. When I found out four weeks ago that Baby Jonah had been in the hospital for several days with a fever so high he was convulsing, I knew I had to leave for Uganda immediately. In less than 24 hours, I boarded a plane in Atlanta and stepped on Ugandan soil two days later. The whirlwind before and after was epic, and that is no exaggeration.

Thankfully, Jonah has made a complete and miraculous recovery. For the first 7-10 days he didn’t smile, stand, walk or do much of anything except cry and beg to be held—all the time. It was heartbreaking and exhausting. He was so sick. It’s incredible to see him now, smiling all the time and walking everywhere. He is not the same child I met four weeks ago.

Moses came to stay with me only a day after I got here. It was a surprise to us both, since I expected we would get t know one another over several days before he came to be with me full-time. I think it was overwhelming for both of us.

Juggling two babies, one very sick and one in the troughs of incredible grief, shock and a very rough adjustment, brought me to my knees. Yes, in desperate prayer, but also, just in desperation. I can’t even describe the level of emotionally and physical exhaustion I experienced. It was too much. (I hope to write more about this in the future.) Thankfully, Joel was able to come early to help, and things have been much better since.

Moses is doing better and learning to trust us little by little. He is opening his heart to us a bit more each day. I think he is coming to see that we are here to stay and committed to him for life. That doesn’t mean that the awful raging is gone, the almost infantile neediness, or the formidable stubbornness, but they don’t dominate quite as much as we settle into our life together. Over the last four or five days he has been happy, laughing, and playful much of the time.

Joel and I have noticed that change (like moving guest houses, etc.) brings his issues back to the forefront again, and it takes several days to find our equilibrium once more. Thankfully, sanity does return in time.

I read this blog post last night, and it perfectly summarizes what I have experienced over the last month. Adoption is not so much a cause to champion as a daily commission to parent broken children.

What we realize now is that we have signed up for a lifetime of therapeutic parenting to children who the Enemy has sought to destroy. Their wounds and maladaptive behaviors will not be easily healed. Progress is hard-won and frustratingly slow.

The fact is that kids need families, they need moms and dads and a place to belong. Deep furrows of emptiness and loss are cut when these things are missing.But, we hold fast to the truth that Love is stronger than brokenness. Love heal. Love redeems.

We pray for Jesus to give us the strength to love boldly in the broken places and to use us as a means of grace and a balm of healing in the lives of our children.

Thank you for you unending love, support and prayers throughout our adoption journey and especially in the last month. We ask that you would join us again in praying for the final pieces to come together this week so we can come home soon.

Note: the picture above is one of local children, but not our children. We cannot post pictures of the boys until the court process is complete. Stay tuned though. It will be worth the wait:) They are seriously cute.

Where has the time gone? I have been so consumed with getting ready to leave for Uganda that I haven’t had time or energy to blog. I feel like I am eight months pregnant and the clock is ticking toward the moment when everything changes. I alternate between being excited and overwhelmed, a flurry of activity and flattened by exhaustion.

I can’t believe it. We leave in 27 days. Mommy and Daddy are coming, boys! We are coming.

Fundraising Goal Reached

Earlier this week, we hit an incredible milestone—we reached our fundraising goal of $30,000. It’s utterly humbling to experience God’s faithfulness in such a dramatic way. As I have said over and over, money need not be an obstacle for a family called to adoption. HE will provide.

Our final donation came from author Karen Kingsbury’s One Chance Foundation. As an adoptive mom herself, Karen is passionate about adoption, and delights in helping families bring their children home through her foundation. We could never say thank-you enough to Karen and her precious team for choosing to bless us with this gift. You are truly our angels.

Travel Arrangements Made

I have been working diligently to book flights and begin making arrangements for our accommodations while in country. We found a great place to stay that is reasonably priced and has what we need to be a nice home-away-from-home while in Uganda.

Packing, and other Odds and Ends

Yesterday, I did a partial packing run-through and am pleased to report that everything seems to be able to fit in the bags we are planning to take. All eight of them. I know, it’s humiliating. Besides one enormous duffle bag of cloth diapers that we are donating to our boys’ orphanage, we have to pack enough disposable diapers, wipes, pull-ups, formula, etc. to last throughout our entire trip. (Translation: we’re taking a mountain of stuff.)

I am also working through a monster to-do list at work, trying to make sure everyone and everything is prepared for my absence.

All of this preparation doesn’t leave much time for blogging. I hope to post several more updates over the next few weeks, but they will likely be sporadic. Thank you for your continued prayers and encouragement as we get ready for the final leg of our journey to our boys.

If you are an adoptive parent, prospective adoptive parent, or someone who is fired up about orphan care, this post is for you.

I believe there is no better way to galvanize your commitment, clarify your thinking, and embolden your resolve to care or orphans than by attending an adoption conference. Both the speakers you hear and the relationships you build will be life-changing.

The Conference

I wrote several weeks back about the Together for Adoption Conference in Phoenix on October 21 and 22, 2011.

This conference not only provides practical and timely advice on adoption and orphan care, it is leading a new conversation about the relationship between orphan care and our identity as adopted sons and daughters of Christ.

This perspective will enliven your faith and deepen your relationship with Jesus Christ in a whole new way as you respond to the call to boldly love the fatherless.

The Deal

I am thrilled to announce that for a limited time, Together for Adoption is offering a SUPER early bird special on conference registration through Saturday, July 30, at 11:59 p.m. You don’t want to miss this deal.

Register NOW for just $75 (a $30 savings).

The Contest

And, just for my readers, I will be giving away a pair of tickets to the Together for Adoption Conference this week. Simply leave a comment below and a winner will be chosen at random on Saturday night and announced on Sunday, July 30.

I can’t wait to hear the story of your light-bulb moment at this year’s Together for Adoption Conference.

If you’re like me, you can hardly believe the start of a new school year is just around the corner. Where did the summer go, anyway? With the first day of school fast-approaching, back-to-school shopping is a necessity.

Fall clothes, backpacks, shoes—the list looms large, and can weigh heavy on the family budget. But, you can save a bundle with a bit of creativity and careful planning. Here are three ways to get what you need and keep more money in your pocket:

1. Plunder Consignment Sales

Don’t let your budget dictate your style, just shop smarter. Consignment sales are a hot trend among savvy moms looking to outfit their kids in high-end brands without forking over the big bucks. On average, you will pay between 25-50% of retail, depending on the quality and desirability of an item. Here are some great consignment sale shopping tips to get you started.

My sister Mindy and I own the Little Sprouts Sales, which sell only upscale clothing brands. If you live in the Nashville, Tennessee area, come check out our Franklin sale beginning on Friday. Not in our area? Click here to find great sales where you live.

2. Discover Coupon Codes and Online Deals

I don’t enjoy digging through racks of clothing at a department store sale to find deals, but I do love finding coupon codes and other online deals that save me money. If you order online and don’t pay tax or shipping, you will likely save 25% right off the bat. Sites like Zappos and Shoebuy offer free shipping both ways too.

Before I buy anything online I always check to see if a coupon code is available. You’ll be surprised how often they are. I use RetailMeNot to search for codes. Make sure to sign up for store emails from the places you shop at the most. Stores like Old Navy, Lands End, and Stride Rite offer incredible deals to their email subscribers. In fact, these sites have great sales going on right now, so check them out.

3. Make Friends with Your Neighborhood Thrift Store.

Many kids wear uniforms, whether they attend private or public school. These can be pricey. However, thrift stores are often brimming with khaki and navy pants, white shirts for boys and girls, jumpers, etc. Thanks to the durable fabric uniforms are made from, these items can withstands several seasons of wear without incident.

Don’t forget to check with you child’s school to see if they have a uniform sale. Many schools do this on an annual basis and it is a great way to purchase school-specific plaids and embroidered items at a fraction of their original price.

Question: What are your favorite money-saving back-to-school tips?

The idea of gratitude is something I resisted in the past. I used to think “choosing” to be grateful limited my ability to be authentic in the midst of difficulty. Once, after a particularly bad day, Joel asked me, “What are you grateful for?” At first, I was offended, thinking that he was invalidating my feelings, but he kept pushing me to answer.

As I reluctantly made a verbal list, a strange thing started to happen—I actually began to feel grateful as I chose to be grateful. I learned that choosing gratitude gives us the chance to recognize God’s bounteous provision in our lives. It is literally everywhere if only we will notice.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.—James 1:17

Every good gift. Just think about that for a moment. The house you live in, the car you drive, the air you breath, the body that got you out of bed this morning, the food that you pulled out of your refrigerator for breakfast, the spouse you are learning how to love well, these are all good and perfect gifts, given to you out of love from your Heavenly Father.

If you want to cultivate a grateful heart, here are a few things that might be helpful:

1. Name Your Blessings Aloud

You will feel silly at first, but do it anyway. Whether you tally your blessings at the end of a day, or recognize them as they happen, the habit of gratitude will transform your life. Take nothing for granted. There is reason to thank God every minute of every day, but it requires our attention and intention.

2. Affirm God’s Provision in Your Life

Every blessing we experience comes to us from the hand of a personal, loving God who is arranging the events of our lives so that we might know and commune with him. We are owed nothing, but are given everything.

All that exists is God’s gift to man, and it all exists to make God known to man, to make man’s life communion with God. It is divine love made food, made life for man. God blesses everything He creates, and in biblical language, this means that He makes all creation the sign and means of His presence and wisdom, love and revelation: ‘O taste and see that the Lord is good.’—Alexander Schmemann, For the Life of the World.

3. Offer Your Blessings Back to God with Thanksgiving

We are made to offer our lives, and all that is in them, back to God in thanksgiving. This is why we pray before meals—we acknowledge that our meal, the work that it took to buy it, the hands that prepared it, and the table we sit at to eat it all come from God. In an act of submission, thanksgiving, and gratitude, we offer our dinner plates and our very lives back to God for his use and his blessing.

Question: How do you cultivate gratitude in your life? How has the discipline of thankfulness changed your heart?

The last week has been an attempt to bring order to chaos. From the moment we found out we had been given court dates for our boys in Uganda, my mind hasn’t stopped racing. Mountains of details seem to tangle themselves up in the corners of my mind like a ball of yarn after a cat has gotten hold of it. Pulling the strands apart is tedious work.

It might seem like we should be ready to walk out the door and onto a plane tomorrow, given all the time we’ve had to get ready, but there are just some things that can’t be done ahead of time. I will be gone for five or six weeks (Joel will join me for ten days in the middle), so I am not only making arrangements for our trip, but also preparing our life here to run without me while I am away.

Fall clothes must be purchased for our older kids, as the seasons will change while I’m gone. After-school care must be set up, and someone must be found to clean the house and do the laundry. I find myself wondering, how will my husband manage to do it all without me for weeks on end? Should I make two months worth of meals ahead of time? Is that even possible?

Meanwhile, I’m working to schedule flights, make plans for our accommodations while in-country, fine-tune my packing list, and take care of a laundry list of projects around the house that will never get done once the boys come home—finally paint the master bedroom, caulk the shower, clean the baseboards, rotate the tires on the car.

This must be what the last month or two of pregnancy feel like.

While I try to get everything in order, I find myself unable to sleep. I lay awake at night attempting to wrap my mind around our expanding family. What will it be like? Will I be completely overwhelmed? What are my boys doing right now? Do they have any sense of what is about to happen to them? How will our older two kids adjust to two new siblings? How on earth will I keep up with the laundry?

It’s surreal that this is finally happening. In less than two months, we meet our boys and become a family of six. I am overwhelmed and scatterbrained and thankful. God has brought us so far.

After much waiting, we  have received court dates for our boys! We will travel to Uganda in September to begin the process of bringing them home. We are so grateful and excited to begin the last phase of our journey (before another adventure as a family of six begins!) and finally have the chance to wrap our arms around our sweet boys.

In the meantime, we are busy getting our ducks in a row. By the time we come home with Moses and Jonah, we will have been in this process for nearly two years (see our timeline here). You would think everything would be done by now, but, it is not. 

Now begins the adventure of scheduling flights, making arrangements for accommodations, trying to fit everything we need into the number of allowable bags, and getting our house ready to welcome two more family members. I’m grateful to have some lead time as I contemplate all that needs to be done.

We look forward to experiencing the Ugandan culture and growing in our appreciation of that part of our boys identity. Since our trip will likely be a lengthy one, we hope to see and do quite a bit. Most of all, we can’t wait to finally see our boys face to face, to know them and love them in person.

At times, it felt like this day would never come. Our hearts grew weary as we waited. But, God was always at work, and his perfect time is now clear. Thank you for all of your prayers that helped us get to this point! We are so grateful.

Earlier this week, I seized the opportunity to jump in the car, drive down to Atlanta, and meet up with my husband who was on a short business trip there. This was the first time in our marriage I have accompanied him on a work-related trip, even though he travels to major cities for business on a regular basis.

In the past, traveling seemed like too much work, so I’ve declined his invitations to come along. This time, I reasoned, my days would soon be filled with naptimes and diapers that need to be changed, so it was a “now or never” moment.

I was only in Atlanta for about 24 hours, but I found myself wishing I had traveled with Joel more often. Here’s why traveling with your husband should be at the top of your to-do list: 

1. Traveling Makes You Feel Like a Grown-up

Let’s face it. If we aren’t careful, we moms could live in our yoga pants. Dangly earrings and lipstick just don’t make sense at home. Our conversations revolve around school projects, feeding schedules, and rationalizations for why the laundry didn’t get folded for the third day in a row.

On a business trip, you enter the grown-up world where people wear clothes that come from the dry cleaner. Adult conversation reminds you that you have intelligence beyond the ability to talk a two-year-old out off the ledge of a temper tantrum. There are drinks that don’t belong in sippy cups and dinner that can be cut up one bite at a time.

2. Get Out of Your Rut

If you end up at the same restaurant on every date night, or horror-of-horrors, you haven’t been on a date with your husband since your last baby was born, a business trip is a great way to recapture the romance.

When Joel and I were in Atlanta, we visited Rays in the City for dessert and drinks after taking an author to dinner. Besides the life-changing passion fruit cheesecake, we were able enjoy one another’s company, stay as long as we wanted, and have a conversation that lasted for over an hour.

3. See New Things, Meet Interesting People

One of the highlights of our trip was our meal with one of Joel’s authors at the swanky local hotspot Two Urban Licks.

The food was almost as exciting as our conversation. It was energizing to bat around ideas and get to know someone who is making a difference in the world. The dynamic design and lively conversation inspired me to think bigger about what was possible in my life.

4. Enter His World

Our husbands spend a lot of time in our worlds. They help us bathe kids, clean up after dinner, and read stories. But, how often do we get to enter theirs? For me, the answer is “not much.” Traveling with Joel enables me to see what he does on a daily basis, get to know the key players in his professional life, and observe him doing what he does best. Most of all, my respect for him and appreciation for his work grew as I watched him “do his thing.”

5. Appreciate Home

Best of all, traveling with my husband makes me appreciate the life we already have. At the end of the day, I’m a homebody. While a visit to the big city provides adventure and excitement, nothing compares to walking through my own front door. Suddenly, the piles of laundry and dirty dishes are familiar friends, welcoming back to the place I love.

What do you enjoy most about traveling with your husband?

A couple weeks ago, I wrote a post answering the question, “Why does adoption take so long?” Today, I will attempt to answer another question I am asked on a regular basis, “Why is adoption so expensive?”

Behind both of theses question is an underlying question, “If there are so many orphans in the world, and the need is so great, why isn’t it easier, faster, and less expensive for them to be adopted?” I’ve asked this question many times myself.

How Do the Costs of International, Domestic Infant, and Foster Care Adoption Compare?

As I’ve said before, my experience is with international adoption, so I’ll speak mostly about the costs associated with that. From my understanding, adoption through the foster care system costs very little. Domestic infant adoption is generally comparable to the cost of international adoption and sometimes more expensive. The total cost is commonly determined by a sliding scale based on your income.

3 Reasons Why International Adoption Costs So Much

Contrary to popular belief, the cost of international adoption in not due to corrupt governments extorting money from families through bribes, outrageous “fees” and the like. While some countries may be worse than others in this regard, the majority of the costs associated with an international adoption are real, valid expenses.

1. Home Study, Fingerprinting, and Document Charges

Before an adoption can even get off the ground a family must be thoroughly vetted by their home state and United States Immigration. A home study is needed, and includes numerous background checks, as well as the sophisticated finger printed required by US Immigrations. Additionally, there are other document and shipping charges required to prepare your dossier (the set of documents that you send to your child’s country in order to file for court).

2. Agency Fees and Attorneys Fees

It takes an extraordinary amount of work to pull all the pieces together for an international adoption. Agencies and their attorneys facilitate every aspect of an adoption including identifying a child, completing the orphan investigations, obtaining medical information for a child, preparing the dossier, filing for court, arranging travel for the family, and representing the family at their hearing.

3. Travel and Accommodations

One of the main reasons international adoption is so expensive is that travel, often more than one trip, is required. Depending on when you travel (which you have very little control of), you could pay high-season ticket prices. Additionally, in-country accommodations may not be as inexpensive as you might think. Sometimes, it costs just as much to stay in your child’s home country as it would in your own.

There are certainly other costs I have not mentioned here, and many expenses are unique to the country you adopt from.

While adoption is a costly endeavor any way you look at it, those costs should never prohibit a family from welcoming a child into their family. Many families, like ours, have successfully been able to raise the funds they need to bring their children home.

If God has called your family to adopt, I urge you to step out in faith regardless of the cost, and watch him provide.