Posted on January 6, 2011 - by Megan
Make the most of dinnertime conversation
I’m an advocate of the family dinner. Joel and I make it a point to protect this time with with the kids, believing it is critical to nurturing their sense of belonging, security, and connection with us. Recently, I found a great tool to help make the most of our time together as a family. It’s called the Family Dinner Box of Questions
Growing up, my family had the ritual of “Best Things.” Every night, we went around the table, asking each other what was the best part of the day. While this offers a great place to start, I think we can make our conversation around the dinner table even more meaningful and fun. The cards contained in the “Dinner Box” are a great way to do just that.
Here’s how it works. The box is filled with 86 cards, each printed with a different question. In our family, we draw two cards at the beginning of dinner. One night, Joel and I will ask the questions; the next, the kids will be the askers. Each person at the table has a chance to answer each question.
Here are few examples:
Using one word, how would you describe our family?
What special talent do you wish you possessed?
What are your most and least favorite family activities?
What do you think is the greatest invention of all time?
What do you like most about the person to your right?
The kids absolutely love it. In fact, while setting the table, they now bring the cards along with plates, cups, and silverware without being asked. Taking conversation to the next level does several important things for our family:
1. Enables us to give each other focused attention
It’s so easy to rush through dinner, inhaling our good, regarding it as just another thing to “get through” in the day. Great conversation helps us slow down, be present with each other, listen, and give the gift of attention.
2. Provides the opportunity to speak encouragement to one another
A couple night ago, one of our questions was, “What do you think your best and worst traits are?” After answering the question for ourselves, we took turns telling each person what we thought their best trait was. The kids beamed as we encouraged them with our words.
3. Gives us a roadmap to go beyond surface conversation
Sometimes it’s hard to know how to get past, “How was your day,” especially with kids (and teenagers). These cards provide a non-threatening roadmap to help you go deeper and engage your family in a meaningful way.
4. Creates a space for laughter and imagination
Some of these cards are just plain silly. Having fun together is an often overlooked way to connect as a family. Recently, we were all cracking up as we listened to each other answer the question, “If you could have any wild animal as a pet, what would you choose.” With answers like, baby elephant and giraffe, we were laughing in no time.
Regardless of the tools you use, finding a way to make great conversation a part of your mealtime ritual is sure to bring your family closer.
What have been your most effective methods for engaging your kids around the family table?
P.S. The Box Girls also have “Faith Edition”
15 Comments
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06. Jan, 2011
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Joel J. Miller. Joel J. Miller said: Love this! RT @meghmiller: Engage your kids through fun & meaningful conversation at dinnertime. New post. http://bit.ly/fY0TEA [...]
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06. Jan, 2011
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Michael Hyatt. Michael Hyatt said: I am definitely doing this: “Making the Most of Dinnertime Conversation”: http://mhyatt.us/3zhWD (via @MegHMiller) [...]
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10. Feb, 2011
[...] (I talked about using questions to deepen relationships with our children during family dinner here.) Questions draw others out and invite them to share [...]
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My name is Megan Hyatt Miller. I'm a little Emmilou Harris, a little Bonnie Rait, and a dash of Paula Dean—mostly because I identify with her unbridled use of butter and ample hips. I am passionate about living and telling a good story. I'm a wife, a stepmom and and an adoptive mom. I am passionate about adoption, racial reconciliation, and creating beauty and a sense belonging for those I love. To learn more, click here. Thanks for stopping by.
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January 6, 2011
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Gail Hyatt said:
I absolutely LOVE this idea. I think it’s even more crucial in today’s society where so much of our activities are SOLO and require little, if any, interactions with anybody else.
Talking at the dinner table may take a total of 15-20 min each time. What a small investment in something that will be with them for the rest of their lives!!
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January 7, 2011
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Megan said:
I completely agree. So worth the investment.
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January 6, 2011
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Chris Spradlin said:
Meg, I am buying this today! I have a parenting website and I would love to re-post this in the future…would you give me permission to do this? I, as you do, believe in the family meal and it is a source of rich family time together. Let me know what you think. if you could email me at chris@epicparent.tv. And thanks for sharing this tool!
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January 6, 2011
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Michael Hyatt said:
Gail, we need to order these ourselves. This really takes dinner conversation to a whole new level!
Great post, Meg.
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January 6, 2011
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Doug Hibbard said:
This looks good. I find myself at the dinner table using the opportunity to reinforce discipline or other issues from the day. I should probably make time to handle the “heavy” stuff like that at other places, and let the table be about relationships.
Might find I have fewer heavy moments.
Doug
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January 7, 2011
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Megan said:
Doug, I often find myself doing the same, especially after a long day when my energy is low. The cards help make it easy to dig in when you are inclined to retreat:) Enjoy!
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January 6, 2011
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Tammy said:
What a great resource, I am currently reading on my phone so I may have missed it, but where can we get this?
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January 7, 2011
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Megan said:
Tammy, I bought mine on Amazon. I hope you love them as much as we do.
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January 6, 2011
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Lauren Bentley said:
What a wonderful idea! Thank you so much for sharing. And congratulations on the adoption! My husband and I believe that will be part of our future as well. Many blessings on you and your family!
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January 7, 2011
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Megan said:
Lauren, thank you for your kind words! I know you will be so blessed by adoption if that is what God has for your family. Blessings!
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January 6, 2011
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Robb said:
I’ve enjoyed watching our 7 and 5 year old pick up on the questions we ask at the table and go out on their own asking everyone from the standard ones. This should add a new level of fun and expectation to the interaction. Thanks for the link!
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January 7, 2011
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Donna Earnhardt said:
We bought a similar item last fall for camping. We changed the questions a little for our family night and mixed it up a little. My hubby and I were on one team, the kids on the other. Both teams had to give the answer they thought the OTHER team would give – in addition to answering it themselves. Kind of like that old Newlyweds game…G RATED FAMILY STYLE!
It was so much fun. It’s amazing how much you think you know your family and yet how much more there is to learn!
I’ll check this game out. Thanks for posting!