Posted on February 16, 2011 - by Megan
Stuck Between Where I am and Where I Want to Be
My life feels like one big waiting room. Haven’t I been here forever? Will our babies every come? It’s beginning to feel like I’m indefinitely pregnant with no end in site. I’m stuck between where I am and where I want to be.
I’ve been on edge for the last week. Every day, I wake up hoping it will be “the day” when we are matched with our babies. Every time the phone rings, I jump. I’ve become obsessive about checking my email and Facebook.
A month ago, I wrote a post about our decision to wait to find out if we would be matched with twin girls from Uganda. We found out that our agency hoped to match us with them, but there was some additional documentation necessary to make it official. We were supposed to find out in a month if that could be attained. The preliminary word is that it’s not looking good, but we don’t know for sure yet.
Meanwhile, our application was accepted at another babies home, and we are told they are in the process of matching children with families now. We don’t know any more than that.
For the last few weeks, I’ve done pretty well trusting God, believing his timing and answer are perfect, and resting in his providence. This week, not so much. The uncertainty is wearing on me. I want resolution. The closer we get the harder the wait becomes.
I can only imagine that once those babies are in our arms the wait will be a distant memory. But in the middle of the story, it feels like all there is. That is the thing with the middle of any story—you feel like you are stuck there forever.
I’m reminded of Don Miller’s story in a A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
Don said he felt like he paddled forever but never went anywhere. He paddled, and he paddled, and he paddled. Exhausted from the effort, it seemed he would never make it to the other shore. He wanted to give up, but he was out in the middle of an inlet, so he had to keep going. And, then, all of a sudden, he was there. I don’t know about you, but that is my story.
It feels like we’ll never get to the other side of the shore. But that is only how it feels. It is not the truth. I know that God has not forgotten us. He is working out his perfect plan even as we speak.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.
-Hebrews 11:1
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My name is Megan Hyatt Miller. I'm a little Emmilou Harris, a little Bonnie Rait, and a dash of Paula Dean—mostly because I identify with her unbridled use of butter and ample hips. I am passionate about living and telling a good story. I'm a wife, a stepmom and and an adoptive mom. I am passionate about adoption, racial reconciliation, and creating beauty and a sense belonging for those I love. To learn more, click here. Thanks for stopping by.
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February 16, 2011
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Cassie Hansen said:
Hugs and love to you. I only know a tiny bit about how you feel, having waited, dreamed, anticipated and feared the moment my babies would decide to enter the world. But then there was an end in sight- full term. I cannot imagine what it’s like to be where you are. More hugs!!!
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February 17, 2011
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Lib said:
Amen!!!! I’m in that middle place too… Still exercising my teeny tiny trust muscles…
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February 17, 2011
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Cris Ferreira said:
Megan, I understand how you feel. I always have a hard time waiting for something to happen. I picture it in my mind a thousand times, count the minutes, and it seems I can’t think of anything else.
Like you said, sometimes I manage to handle the waiting, but sometimes not so much.
I wonder how Joshua and Caleb were able to wait for 40 years to enter the promise land. They took a look at it, knew that God would give it to them, but they had to wander in the wilderness for 40 years before taking hold of their blessing.
I promise you, I have no idea how they did it.
Hang on there, the time will come.
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February 19, 2011
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Abby said:
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH dear sister!!!! I know you are just burning up inside because you have such an intense desire to meet your children for whom you have such overflowing love!!!!! I know God is working out the details right now…so perfectly…to bring your children to you. He planning and preparing and working.
Your desire will be fulfilled, and we cannot wait to meet our new family. They will be AMAZING. They will get to read these posts and know they were chosen and loved before you even met them. They will know that you PINED for them. What a love story. I can’t imagine an adoption getting better than that. That is God’s story.
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February 21, 2011
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Shannon Litton said:
I’ve been there and been temporarily moved from that place of waiting. We leave for Ethiopia in one week to meet our two sons. We’re excited, nervous and not looking forward to again being in “that place” as we come home empty handed to work through an ever-changing US Embassy process. BUT we know God is in control. And that is the only thing that keeps us.
Praying for you!
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February 21, 2011
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Andrea said:
Ugh… that space in the middle. Such a tough spot! Praying for you!
Andrea