Posted on August 4, 2010 - by Megan
The Benefits of Eating Together as a Family
Psychologist, pastors, and doctors agree—the family meal is one the most important things you can do to raise physically and emotionally healthy kids. In fact, children who eat dinner at home with their families have lower rates of substance abuse and obesity, do better in school, and feel more connected to their parents.
Since my husband Joel already had children when we got married, we became an instant family. Right away, we decided family dinner would be a top priority. As the kids get older, it seems the list of things vying for this hour of the day never ends, but our commitment to eat together has remained strong.
We have been purposeful to choose extracurriculars that are not scheduled in the evening hours. This means our kids don’t participate in soccer or other team sports built around the schedules of working parents, but we feel like that is a worthwhile trade-off considering the many benefits of the family meal.
Here are just a few that we’ve experienced:
Eating together creates a sense of belonging
Since our children go back and forth between two families due to our custody arrangement, being purposeful about developing a sense of belonging when they are with us is incredibly important. Sitting together at the dinner table reminds our kids that they are Millers. They belong to the Miller family where they have parents who love them and are siblings to each other. They are necessary and important members of our household. They are seen and they matter. They are part of a bigger context and a bigger story.
Eating together provides the opportunity to test drive manners
I was shocked while recently watching Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution to see that most elementary school kids don’t know how to use utensils. Since they eat most of their meals with their hands (think tacos, chicken fingers, and pizza), they don’t know how to cut their own food. Eating dinner together gives us the chance to teach our kids manners and give them an opportunity to practice in the real-world classroom of our dining room.
At our house, the kids set the table. They have learned which side of the plate the utensils go on, that a napkin must be put on their lap once they sit down, and that we wait for everyone to be served before we take our first bite.
Eating together teaches social skills
Eating together as a family helps our kids develop good social skills. We believe this is an incredibly important ingredient to becoming a successful adult. Most nights, we practice asking one another questions about our days (“What was the best part of your day, Daddy?”). Lately, we’ve been encouraging the kids to ask “follow-up” questions. For example, “Daddy, why did you enjoy having lunch with Mr. Teems so much?” This helps them learn to be good listeners, wait patiently while someone else is speaking, and to be curious about other people instead of overly focused on themselves.
In addition, they learn how healthy communication works in marriage and among adults as they listen to Joel and I talk to each other.
Eating together will expand a child’s palette
As a result of eating dinner together, we’ve seen a dramatic increase in the number of food our kids are willing to try and have learned to enjoy. When we first got married, Felicity was very finicky—she only like “kid food.” She rarely tried anything new, saying, “I don’t like it,” before ever taking a bite.
Joel and I decided that we didn’t want to raise picky eaters, so we began fixing one meal—the meal we wanted to eat—expecting the kids to eat it too. We have two-bite rule in our house when trying a new food. This works very well. More often then not, the kids take two bites and decide they like what we are eating. We also try to make it fun, talking about the foods that we are eating, asking the kids to describe the flavors on their plates, and involving them in shopping and food preparation whenever possible. Now, they’ll eat almost anything and they love vegetables of all kinds.
Those are just a few of the benefits we’ve experienced at our house. What do you think is the greatest benefit of eating dinner together at home as a family?
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My name is Megan Hyatt Miller. I'm a little Emmilou Harris, a little Bonnie Rait, and a dash of Paula Dean—mostly because I identify with her unbridled use of butter and ample hips. I am passionate about living and telling a good story. I'm a wife, a stepmom and and an adoptive mom. I am passionate about adoption, racial reconciliation, and creating beauty and a sense belonging for those I love. To learn more, click here. Thanks for stopping by.
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August 4, 2010
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Joel J Miller said:
I love that you chose to write about this. Our family meals are some of the best times of the day. I think that any time you can get everyone together around a meal, something good can happen.
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August 4, 2010
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Tom Hoffman said:
Thanks for this post. Some valuable insights.
We also cherish family meal times, and find them a valuable time to teach about prayer. We don’t always start the day together, and some of us are shot by the end of the day, but family meals are a time to demonstrate and teach and practice the importance of being grateful for our daily sustenance. (It was such a part of my upbringing that I still find myself shocked when characters on TV and in movies dig right in without giving thanks!)
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August 5, 2010
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Megan said:
Tom,
I love this perspective on gratitude. It’s such a critical part of life, and one that has to be learned, I think . Thanks for sharing this, and most of all for your example.
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August 4, 2010
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Michelle McKinney said:
I love looking at my husband and children at eye level to really read their eyes about how their day has been. There’s something powerful about breaking bread that makes everything so much more comfortable. We’ve even instituted dinner conversation cards that take our conversations out of the normal box. The kids actually ask for the cards when I don’t pull them out. (http://www.theboxgirls.com/Family-Dinner-Box-of-Questions-p-9.html)
It also forces me to slow down.
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August 5, 2010
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Megan said:
Michelle,
In addition to your great insight about looking your children in the eye, thank you so much for sharing this incredible resource! I think that may warrant a blog post of its own.
Thanks again.
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August 4, 2010
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Lindsey Nobles said:
I love eating with your family. I love how you guys ask questions. And the amazingly brilliant things the kids add. You guys do this well!
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August 4, 2010
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Courtenay Rogers said:
Love this post and completely agree. I sometimes find myself getting lazy and eating in front of the TV with my daughter, and that is a horrible habit I want to break. Thanks so much for the great ideas!
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August 4, 2010
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Karin Simmons said:
I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you yet, but I’ve loved reading your new blog! (We’re long-time friends of the Hoffmans!)
I especially love this post about family meals. We have an almost 15 month old and have just started focusing on family meals. It’s so exciting for us to watch him grow & develop through it and he just enjoys himself so much!
Keep up the wonderful writing
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August 5, 2010
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Megan said:
Karin,
We love the Hoffmans! Thank you for stopping by. I’d love to get the chance to meet you sometime.
It’s such a joy to begin building your family traditions, and I’m convinced family mealtimes are one of the best.
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August 4, 2010
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Daniel Darling said:
Eating together is a wonderful joy in our family. It’s so important for a child’s sense of security and belonging.
One thing we do is the high-low questions. “What was your high, what was your low?”
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August 4, 2010
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Michael Hyatt said:
This is a brilliant post. Where were you when I was raising … you?
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August 4, 2010
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Amy L Maris said:
Thanks for the gentle reminder. With four teens at home, I’ve let it slip a little too far lately. Bon Apatite!
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August 4, 2010
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Reuel Williams said:
I loved this post. We eat dinner together as much as possible between the kids practices and my sometimes hectic schedule.
What I enjoy most about eating with my family is seeing how much we actually enjoy each other when we slow down and take the time to just be together. I never get better conversation from my children then when we are at the dinner table.
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August 4, 2010
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Candace Carpenter said:
Very good post! Growing up we ate dinner together every night-we could not watch TV (even when our favorite shows were on!). I realize now that not everyone can eat together every night; but families should make a priority to eat dinner together as much as possible. Some of my fondest memories of my childhood are the times that we spent around the dinner table.
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August 5, 2010
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Megan said:
Candace,
So many of my favorite memories are of mealtimes as well. It’s easy to discount the simple things, but often they are the ones that matter the most. Thanks for sharing.
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August 5, 2010
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Katy said:
Love this Meg!
Fabulous writing, and such a simple thing that so many don’t do anymore.
We also do the “what was your best/worst part of the day”, which I love because it lets them/us talk about what you are grateful for that day, but it also lets you in on their heart and see things that were hard that day too, when otherwise they might not have told you. And I think it lets them know that you care about their heart and want to know their heart.
I also love the point of trying new things, we definitely do NOT make 2 meals, can’t even imagine that! Its pretty sad that we live in a world that is so worried that their kids “won’t eat” if they don’t have what they’re used to.. I think they will when they get hungry enough!
Our generations have changed and its sad. Can you imagine our grandparents telling their parents they didn’t like what was for supper and wanted something different? They would probably be told to go find a switch in the backyard….. and then sent to bed without supper.
When you teach your kids to eat what they are given, its also showing them that we have a lot more then others do, and that there are millions that have nothing right now for supper, so its teaches thankfulness.
Thanks for reminding everyone of a very important “simple” thing that is easily taken for granted, so often not done, but is vital in a family.
love you