Posted on September 16, 2010 - by Megan
Welcome to our circus: The Home Visit
On Tuesday, we had our home visit—the final step to completing our adoption home study. Our social worker, Kelly, came to our house to make sure it was safe and suitable for another child, as well as to meet the kids.
The day began with a double shot of OCD as I went on a cleaning rampage. It started with the vacuuming of a dusty air return and ended with me contorting around a stove I had just pulled out from the wall to clean behind. I am 30 years old and this is the first time I have ever cleaned behind a stove.
After the cleaning extravaganza, the day went on without incident. I merrily went about my work thinking about how I had knocked this home visit business out of the park—what with my perfectly immaculate house and lovely family.
Later in the afternoon, I went to get the kids from school. I decided to take them to get a special treat for a snack in order to avoid disturbing the domestic bliss I worked so hard to create earlier in the day.
After telling the kids about the surprise snack, Felicity immediately went into a fit about wanting chocolate ice cream, not vanilla, which is the only flavor Chick-fil-a sells. Naturally, I could not reward this kind of behavior, so Felicity lost the privilege of ice cream, which meant she yelled and cried hysterically the rest of the way home. (This is now 45 minutes before the social worker arrives. I’m starting to get worried.)
After recovering from the ice cream debacle, I prepped the kids for Ms. Kelly’s visit, asking them to be polite and calm when she came, and told them she would want to know what they thought about having a new brother or sister.
Kelly arrived and things immediately began to fall apart. They kids attacked her with hugs when she walked in the door, and Fionn proceeded to go into a full blown karate demonstration in the background as we were talking, complete with labored breathing, grunting and a lot of kicking. I laughed nervously.
The five of us then sat on the couch and began talking about the forthcoming baby. Kelly started with Felicity, asking her what she was most excited about. Felicity said she was excited to help with the baby and teach her how to do things. It all went fine, except that Fionn constantly interrupted her while bouncing in the seat next to Joel.
Finally, it was Fionn’s turn. I took a deep breath. Kelly asked him what he thought about having a new brother or sister. He replied in a series of silly voices, “It makes me want to be bald, so the I wouldn’t have to pull my hair out in clumps.” He then went into some sort of random, manically communicated story about Joel slipping while going up the stairs in their previous house and spilling a whole cup of coffee on the stairs. Right.
Fionn found this story so hilarious that he was laughing uncontrollably while trying to talk a mile-a-minute and flailing his arms. In a final exaggerated display of humor, he throws himself on the floor next to the sofa, convulsing in laughter while kicking and slapping the ground. I wanted to die. I expected the Candid Camera people to come around the corner and expose the whole charade at any moment.
Parents, you know these moments. The ones where you desperately need to control your child without looking like you are controlling your child. You can’t decide if it makes you look like a better parent to be tolerant or to grab the reigns, and you find yourself frozen in a state of disbelief and humiliation, eyes darting back and forth in sheer panic.
This visit was supposed to confirm in Kelly’s mind that we are a good, healthy, safe family. Meanwhile, my child is all but frothing at the mouth while rolling around on the floor making weird noises. I have never seen my kids act this way. I can only hope it’s more common in these moments than I know. I guess parenting is nothing if not an exercise in humility.
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My name is Megan Hyatt Miller. I'm a little Emmilou Harris, a little Bonnie Rait, and a dash of Paula Dean—mostly because I identify with her unbridled use of butter and ample hips. I am passionate about living and telling a good story. I'm a wife, a stepmom and and an adoptive mom. I am passionate about adoption, racial reconciliation, and creating beauty and a sense belonging for those I love. To learn more, click here. Thanks for stopping by.
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September 16, 2010
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Gail Hyatt said:
I can’t tell you how hard I’m laughing right now. I’m all but foaming at the mouth. Thank you for such an hilarious story … if only it was true. Oh, yeah, it is!
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September 16, 2010
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Michael Hyatt said:
Totally cracked me up. If I had a nickel for every time something like that happened … you would have quite an inheritance waiting!
I love you. I’m sure it was fine.
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September 16, 2010
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Chelsea said:
Omigosh, I guess this IS normal, and hysterically funny, ONLY when it’s happening to someone else. Mortifying when it’s happening to you (been there done that). Thanks for sharing the less than perfect, but the oh-so-realistic!
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September 16, 2010
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Jeff Holton said:
We adopted our first, so we didn’t have any children yet at our home study. I’m sure my wife went through the same frantic cleaning, but I assume it was MY behavior she most worried about.
Did you guys get the deliciously awkward and somewhat annoying questions “What’s one thing you would change about your spouse?” and “What will you do if your adopted child decided he/she is gay?”
Congrats on getting through this hurdle. Sounds like you’re completely normal.
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September 16, 2010
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Megan said:
Jeff, thankfully, no, we didn’t get those questions. I think they would have put me over the edge. God is merciful:)
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September 16, 2010
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Dennis Disney said:
Fionn has given me yet another great reason for rockin’ a shaved pate: when things get overwhelming or completely exasperating, I never have two worry about ever pulling my hair out in clumps! A very funny post. A very normal family. I’m sure the visit went well. Blessings.
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September 16, 2010
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Kat @ Inspired To Action said:
I hope it’s ok to say that was hilarious! I’m sure it was horrible in the moment, but I think every parent can relate.
I love the way you put this:
“Parents, you know these moments. The ones where you desperately need to control your child without looking like you are controlling your child.”
We totally know those moments. I’m sure the visit confirmed that you’re a perfectly normal and lovely family.
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September 16, 2010
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Megan said:
Kat, it was totally hilarious, just not so much in the moment:) You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried! Thanks for sharing in the humor.
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September 16, 2010
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Benita Teems said:
Hilarious! I wish I could have been a fly on your wall. Knowing Felicity and Fionn makes it even better.
On a more serious note, I’m praying for you guys.
Love you,
Benita
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September 16, 2010
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Eyvonne said:
I’m sure what Kelly saw was happy healthy kinds unafraid to express themselves.
I continue to enjoy following your adoption story.
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September 16, 2010
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ThatGuyKC said:
OMGoodness that was awesome. I “love” those moments when I don’t know whether to laugh it off or invoke the “dad voice of wrath”.
Kids do the darndest things. Especially when we don’t want them to. It’s almost like telling them to be on good behavior instigates the bizarre. Like they might have been perfect little angels if you hadn’t said anything at all.
Ah parenthood. You teach me how little I know.
We have close friends who just had the home visit interview for adoption as well and they experienced similar irregularities with their kids.
Y’all probably did fine and Ms. Kelly had a good story to share.
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September 16, 2010
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Megan said:
Ahh, what a relief to know that it’s not just us. These social workers must have great stories to tell at parties!
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September 16, 2010
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Grammy said:
Joel & Meg, that was hilarious to say the least & yes children are children, you just never know what’s going to happen. Been there with our 3 kiddos, and seen grandchildren & greatgrands do things that make you wonder ” where in the world did they come from.” I’m sure the home study went very well in all & praying for you guy’s…Love ya so much, Grammy
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September 16, 2010
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Megan said:
Thanks, Gram. We love you!
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September 16, 2010
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Shelia said:
Given the regularity with which I imagine these histrionics probably accompany home visits, I am all of a sudden wondering what I would have to do to become qualified to be a case worker.
Seriously, I’m with Eyvonne. She saw a child who knew he was safe enough in his parents’ love to be himself…the loudest, zaniest part of himself.
As one who has seen you and Joel with your kids in numerous situations, I can say that this child will be blessed to be part of your lovely family. I’ll wager Kelly is perceptive enough to see that.
Thanks for the laughs.
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September 16, 2010
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Megan said:
Sheila, thanks for seeing the situation in the most positive light possible:) That’s why we have friends, right?! Seriously, thanks for the encouragement.
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September 16, 2010
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Rachel Wojnarowski said:
Thanks for being real! Such encouragement to fellow moms.
Made me think of my own dad’s response to an incident that occurred when I was growing up. Visiting missionary and family at the dinner table…all nine children of our own family, and my parents. Missionary child spills her milk. Complete chaos from her, her parents, all of us trying to help. Except for Dad, who never blinked an eye, smiled at the missionary family, and said, “That’s never happened here before.” I’m guessing Kelly loved visiting your home! I’m wondering if she inspected behind the stove? 
(and I personally think Chicfila should have chocolate!)
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September 16, 2010
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Greg Hyatt said:
Out of the mouth of babes, Mike is right, I for one have experience this kind of behavior when you really don’t need it at the time, sounds like they might be related to the Hyatt clan! Like I said patients is something aquired over time. Breath deep Girl there will be more to come. lol